A saying that is in most parts true, while I still love New Zealand I no longer think it would be accurate to say my heart is in New Zealand. Obviously I’m stoaking on this overseas trip and the amazing scenery, people, cultures and history I’ve been taking in. With NZ it comes down to the beaches, nature, the people and the culture that makes me love it. The history is boring as is the landmarks (comparatively of course) but that’s no big deal J
However, New Zealand is not my home anymore. My home is not in Europe or America either. My home is in Heaven with my Father because that is where my heart is. Being away from home and having the opportunity to reflect on life with little or no influence from other people I have found that my heart truly is with God. I don’t take measure of my well being when things are going great but instead when things are difficult because it is during adversity that I find where my heart TRULY is. I thank God for the blessing of Wisdom that I find my heart in him. It is by his strength that I can deny my emotions of anger, envy and lust so that I can appreciate the goodness of peace and joy. I thank God that I can be honest when I am tempted, when I truly no longer desired to keep true to my standards of behavior. He came through for me and helped nurture my heart away from the ideas and opinions of other people which would lead me into evil.
Throughout my life I have treated a number of people really badly and a number of people have treated me really badly. I don’t get caught up in it because it something I cannot change, instead I turn more to God and seek his Wisdom. It requires me to be honest and to not take the easy road out.
I had an exciting time in Barcelona. During the second night (went out both nights cause I’m a champ) went for a walk to chill out and mediate a bit. Made some Italian friends Marko, Niko and Alexandro who were chilling in Barcelona for the weekend. They passed me a joint saying it was ‘very good stuff’ (thinking back it could have been laced with anything haha!). Now came a choice. I was tipsy and having a good time so I was definitely tempted to have a drag. I closed my eyes and I asked what I was going to do and decided to not smoke as it was something I had decided to do earlier and something im still happy with right now. It is not the decision yes/no that I am excited about, instead it is that when in an uncertain position, with impaired judgement, I could still turn to God and talk to him clearly. While I don’t agree with doing drugs I definitely think they are over-rated and over-played, dangerous though they are. What I am happy about is that I retained my integrity.
To clarify further, I find it exciting to face temptation and say no because to me it defines how strong I am through Christ. Weak people give in because they lack the backbone or courage to do what is right and without Christ I am one of those people. Although I can be a weak man and I definitely do fail, with God in me I am a strong man and it brings joy to my heart when I am strong.
I remember back to my last catalyst for change and think about the boy I was then in comparison to the young man I am now. It is exciting to see God working in my life, a combination of the prayers and blessings from others and also my own decisions to choose a life with less sin or at least more focus on God. Now, during this new change catalyst, I am filled with excitement for where my life is heading. I feared what this time would do to me but the fear was mis-placed. The lord does not allow me to be tempted beyond that which I can withstand. It is my deep seated hope that I may continue to seek after Gods heart and walk a more Christ like life. I will fail, this I have no doubts, but it is what I do after I fail that is important to God. Do I find my identity in being a fallen man or do I repent and find my identity in God?