So just on the last leg of this Greyhound adventure with Tyler and I must say i'm glad its nearly over. It's been fun, full of random really weird people (i.e. the crack dealer who offered Tyler some and the numerous crazies who talked to themselves BUT THANK GOD they didn't try talking to me). Cheap cheap food. But really unhealthy too :/ Im looking forward to a nice sandwich once we get settled in! The bus was really hard to sleep on and it was more like short naps rather than sleep. The bus also got a really funky toilet smell which is normal apparently and our bus driver MAY have drifted off at some point but i really don't think she did despite what Tyler says.
28hours on a bus with very short breaks in between, it really hasn't been too bad in all honesty. A fun adventure! However, the people have just been REAL different and even Tyler admits they are weird. So looking forward to Europe a lot now, getting very very excited about seeing the sites and meeting my Contiki friends. This trip has been a blast sofar and its only really just starting!!!
I've encountered a number of desperate people thus far. By desperate I mean people who just clearly don't have it together, from people living on the streets to just everyday people I met i've been really taken aback at how broken they are. Its hard to explain it but I feel that being in the absence of usual friends i've been forced to take notice of those outside my usual circles. Some of these people have been really awesome like Russell the Aussie, David the German, Fernando the Brazilian and Paris the Canadian however, others have just seems really really weird. Foreign I guess would be the word for it, but not foreign in the sense they come from a different country but moreso the different culture. This is not something new for me, its just that BECAUSE im overseas im actually taking notice. Im not sure if culture is the right word for it.
Walked past a man crying. Begging for help on the street. People just walked by.
How sad is that? Now my impression was this man was suffering withdrawl's from drugs i.e. crack (not based on anything solid just an impression) and so offering help was out of the question. Why? Because i'm travelling around the world and if im not careful i'll get taken advantage of by those who prey on tourists (nearly payed out $20 to a scammer with a neckbrace asking for money for his bus ticket. Told him no, then prayed to God to send this man back to me if he should be given the money. Few minutes later security walks by and i see them escorting the man outside. Good call Mat). Add into the fact that I have NO EXPERIENCE dealing with homeless or drug/alcohol addicts and I think it is best that I stay out of the situation.
Is this Good enough? Yes, yes i think it is. This is not my area of service. This is not something I feel convicted about. This is something that my moral guilt would demand of me, that I take action because I SHOULD.
Why is it that we expect so much of ourselves when we think of service of God's Kingdom? Why do we sent standards of sacrifice so high that we cannot ever hope to attain them? Should we not be satisfied with that which God has asked us to do in our own lives today and not make comparisons to others who give more, love more, worship more in our eyes?
I feel as if society has fed me a lie. That I am a super-hero character. That I can do miraculous things. When I really can't, I can only do that which God does with me. I wonder if I let my moral compass run unchecked and create expectations that are above and beyond my abilities to fulfill. I could be wrong but I feel as though apathy and overzealous expectations are the two extremes in my life which feed into one another. Because I place stupid expectations on what I can achieve I choose to do nothing so that I never fail to live up to my own expectations I place on myself.
With that all said however, I limit God's power by placing too much importance on my own power and abilities. Why do I focus so much on what I THINK I can do instead of what I THINK God has asked me to do? For he can do all things.
There is no stage at which I will go "Aha! I'm ready" because I never will be. I need to be a man of action, but only when God calls me to be. I cannot be a victim to my own moral standards placing expectations on me which are unreasonable. God will only ask from us that which we are capable of doing whereas we can create unreasonable requests of ourselves to satisfy our moral-fueled guilt.